Getting More Hardcore with Carbs

Lowering the amount of carbohydrates I consume is a major part of my food changes, primarily because of the link between sugar and diabetes, a family history of diabetes, and an A1C (blood glucose test diabetes) level of 5.5. As well, I am and feel bloated, sluggish, and sometimes ache when I consume lots of carbs.
My definition of "lots of carbs" keeps changing. Two years ago, I regularly consumed 400-500 grams of carbs daily (if not more--easy to do with the mounds of rice and oatmeal I ate). Even when I cut back and started tracking my nutritional intake, I never really measured all of the carbs I ate--I didn't count the ones in vegetables or coconut milk, for example. (And then I just stopped counting carbs at all...)
Carb Consciousness: Take II
I'm again back to being conscious about what and how I eat, and have been slowly edging toward getting my carbs down to 40, and then 30 grams daily.
That is a massive, massive change. I've been aiming in that direction for the last few days, and it is very challenging.
Now I'm asking myself, "Why? Why 30?" It is, of course, to get myself into losing weight more quickly by triggering ketosis, and burning fat. Now, I've lost 9 pounds in about 5 from going to the gym (kind of) regularly, eating lots more vegetables, boosting the protein a smidge, and cutting back (but not eliminating) fruit and chocolate. That rate of weight loss must not be enough for me. I want, no crave--more, faster.

For the last couple of days I've been using Ketolog, a great, simple and free Android carb-tracking program. The information I've gleaned is eye-opening. I tracked the carbs for everything I ate in my first meal of the day, including the spinach and garlic and eggs. Those, plus 4 ounces of sweet potato, got me to 40--in one meal.
So, for now, I'm just going to focus on a goal of 60 daily grams of carbs, and call it good.

After Satiation, What?

I've never been in this place before, and I don't know what to do.
Between the probiotics and food changes, I think I now know what satiation feels like--and the difference between being hungry and wanting to eat. Previously, they felt like one and the same thing.  Now, knowing the difference--because I can experience it now--makes me feel both sad and empty.  And I don't know why.

Progress? Of Course, Then, a Meltdown

I was going to write about choosing a goal weight, but then, you see, I started to cause problems for myself.
I've weighed myself three times (including today) in the past month. I've lost 5 pounds without being weight-focused.
But with that news this morning came the emotional thrashing about in its many guises:
--the calculating ("Well, if I do have a goal weight, should I have a goal date?  A year? Hmm...can I get there faster? How fast?" and so on);
--the fantasizing ("My stomach will be so much smaller");
--the other-directedness ("Should I take some 'Before' pictures now so people can see my progress? Should I show my face?"); and, finally...
--the eating: all clean, but lots of it, heedless eating, unpresent eating.
I must have scared myself somehow, because all this was surely bells of alarm.
So now--maybe I'll just coast in the land of no-change, no decision,  for a while. Yes, I'll do that.

The Challenge of Not Doing That Next Thing

I've got a problem, an insidious one that has plagued me for years, but which I am only now becoming aware.
I call it the Pile It On problem: When a project is going well (as is my recent food life), I will come up with one, two, or three more changes to add, changes that will get me "better" (i.e., cuter, slimmer) faster.
Perhaps there's a part of me that thinks, "Well, if this is good--a few more changes will be great!
The most recent example: In the last month I have:

• stopped eating all grains and legumes
• started writing my food down (the what, mostly)
• stopped eating sausage (as of yesterday)
• started eating a lot more vegetables

Now, those are some pretty major changes, and I'm quite fortunate that the vast majority of them were painless to make (indeed, just arose within me). I'm happy about each of them. In fact, the only item I formally committed to was eliminating grains for 90 days; the rest are delicious bits of gravy.

Yet there's been a nagging voice I've been swatting away, one telling me to do more, because I've done so much already. That is, I need to pile more on.

What would more look like?

• Tracking my carbs
• Getting my carbs down to 40 grams daily, or lower (I have been only vaguely conscious of them, although more so of late)
• Tracking the exact amount of what I eat, and when
• Eliminating chocolate and all dried fruit (medjool dates--the final frontier)

Why is this a problem? Mostly because changing food patterns is challenging, and it is easy for me to be overwhelmed. Second, because adding more on now doesn't give me the opportunity to absorb my success with the current changes; the new, the different, and the more become more important, and blot out my the value and importance of what I've currently accomplished. 

So, for now, I'm going to let myself luxuriate in the changes I have made, let them, and myself, be.

Changes: The Good News/the Different/the Undesired

The Good
The grains: Today marks my 30th day off of all grains. There were a few days when I didn't think I'd make it, but I have. My friend Cheryl asked me why I decided to get off of them. I told her it was because I felt better when I was not eating wheat, found that I was eating lots more oats, and decided to see what it was like to be off of all grains for 90 days. 
I've also wondered if certain grain components have affected my absorption of nutrients and contributed to inflammation in my body (you can read more about that here, on the Wellness Mama blog). 
The probiotics: I've been eating raw (and organic, mostly) sauerkraut for about a month to boost my body's ability to take in nutrition by boosting my gut health. A couple of weeks ago I added daily consumption of capsules containing a weird dirt (well, soil)-based blend of probiotics, as well. 
Results: I've had several positive results from these changes:

Coming 'Round the Mountain

I am feeling as if the good news continues to blossom. 
Am still eating smaller meals (as I wrote about here) and weightlifting two to three times weekly. Today is my 16th day off of all grains. I also weighed myself on Monday, have put a weekly weigh-in on my calendar, and am logging my weight.

Hello, old friend.

I was not pleased with my weight (200 pounds, exactly), yet was tired of my fear of the scale, and gave up that curious and familiar belief that if I didn't weigh myself I wouldn't weigh as much. (In my defense, I will say that the foolishness of this thought is a lot more evident on the screen than it is in my brain.)

In the beginning was the writing...

A few days ago I (again) started writing down the food I'm eating. Some of it (like raisins and nuts), I measure before eating. And as was true with the granola, just the act of recording the quantity has painlessly led me to eating less food. 

I do have challenges when I go out to eat. Yesterday, for example, I met a friend for lunch at Pambiche, a wonderful Cuban restaurant, and had roast pork, pinto 

Pambiche

beans, brown rice, and flan. 

The food was so tasty! Unfortunately, I was full half-way through the carbs, but kept eating. I really looked forward to the flan, so had some, in spite of my fullness.

Pam, who also got the flan, wisely took most of it with her in a takeout box. As she did so, I thought to myself, "Why don't I ever think of that?" I never do. I did write down my food when I got home, a good thing. 

Fortunately for me, I don't eat out very often, so this is (hopefully) a small blip in my move to eating smaller portions. And the next time I do, I hope to be more conscious of my fullness, and not feel the need to take all of the food home in my stomach.

A Lot

I eat a lot of food.
Although I am eating better food, and much less (or, in some cases, none) of foods that are not my friends, I now realize that I regularly eat a large volume of food, much more food than I need on a daily basis. (I'd be even fatter if I didn't walk most places, and work out.)
When I say I eat a large volume of food, I don't mean all in one sitting (although I used to do that). Instead, I eat two or three meals a day, and graze throughout the day. Here's an example of what I can consume from the time I wake up through an early afternoon:

1 apple
1 plate of greens with a small chicken thigh and 1 egg
1 small sweet potato
1/2 serving (2 squares) of dark chocolate
1/2 cup of raisins, walnuts, and pumpkin seeds

That is enough food for an entire day (and too many carbs), yet I will probably eat more around dinner time. (Note: I normally don't measure the raisin/walnut mixture I consume, but did so this time just for this post.)
I need to (1) start measuring the raisins and walnuts I eat (as I did with the granola) and (2) start keeping a food diary again. Even as I type that, however, I get a clutch of fear coming up, that I am going to be deprived of food once I start tracking it. That is most interesting as I've seldom--even in these last couple of years with my major food changes (and this blog) limited the volume of food consume. That is, I've limited the total grams of carbs I consume, for example, but the not the total volume of food. Even the idea of counting calories--!!!--makes my eyes roll toward the back of my head.
One or another, however, I am going to have to acknowledge and work with that very difficult feeling of deprivation--and reduce the volume I consume. I don't think there's a way around that.