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Monday, February 23, 2015

Life in Skinny Drag

I've made major changes in the foods I consume and the way I move through and in the world. I'm making and consuming even more fermented foods, especially homemade kefir, beet kvass, and fermented carrots and ginger. I eat a lot of protein (about 180g daily), especially red meat, whey isolate, and egg whites. I take supplements like magnesium, niacin, vitamins C and D, SAM-e, and glutamine. I'm lifting moderately heavy weights 3-4 times a week at my gym, and walking about 75 minutes or more three times a week. 
The results are significant: my body fat has come down with a major increase in muscle mass; my strength, flexibility, and stamina are better than they've ever been in my life. My mood is generally quite good, and the depression and anxiety have eased greatly. 
I'm also much smaller (even though my weight hasn't shifted significantly in the last year) --I used to wear size 18WP pants that translates as "short wide woman"); now I wear misses' 12 or 10.
I often feel as if I'm passing--kind of like I'm a fat person in a skinny suit. I'm the same me, but my presentation triggers different responses. It is curious how my physical changes  affect those around me. Now that I'm smaller, I see quite clearly (and regularly) how fat and big people are discriminated against--because shop clerks and other service people treat me so very well.
They eagerly come to me in stores, I no longer have to chase them down; I now get shown to much better seats in restaurants. This is true even in places I've gone into for years--which makes the treatment even more distressing.( Sometimes I want to scream out, "Funny, you never treated me this nice when I was big!" but I don't.)
The most difficult responses are from people I've known for quite a while.They take a lot of different forms--snide comments from a friend who has suddenly become hyper-critical of my body the smaller it gets--and will report with unfettered glee if she thinks I've gained weight. Or when someone begins to come on to you after you've gotten smaller--that's just creepy. Sometimes I think it's shame--a friend who carries a lot of extra fat used to take pictures of us each time she came to visit, and then share them with me. The last couple of times she took the pictures, but "keeps forgetting" to send me copies.

 (This Clusie L. YouTube video--"Why People Don't Want You to Lose Weight"--addresses some of this. Definitely worth a watch.) 

Or another who has been doing aerobic activity for years, frequently complains of being in poor health, and despairs often about losing weight (that is, losing fat). She's seen me make these changes (and the results), we've talked a little bit about it--and she continues to do her aerobic activity and complain. I don't think there's only one true path to health, but I've stopped counting the number of people who tell me they want to get healthier, compliment me on my health--and yet keep doing what they've always been doing. "The eye doesn't see what flies into it," is a West African proverb that seems particularly apt.
I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing. That's what I know.

1 comment:

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